A Note From The Ghost of Emily Post

A recent email from a bride of mine has prompted this post. I tend to be quite a stickler when it comes to etiquette. Now, that doesn't mean that I don't encourage straying from certain time old traditions in favor of more updated ones that suit your style. After all, it's 2009 and things are different now. In certain places, men can legally marry men and women can legally marry women (and if it was up to me, it would be legal for everyone everywhere today).

You are not like every other bride and so your wedding should reflect you (and your sweetheart too...let's not forget him). That said, there are certain formalities when it comes to weddings that I think are important to uphold. For instance, get your thank you notes out on time. People really appreciate receiving them and often worry when they don't, that their gift has gotten lost in the mail. Also, remember that your wedding is not the end-all be-all event to almost anyone other than you and your families (sorry to break it to you!), so take measures to help ensure your guests will enjoy themselves to the fullest. For example, provide transportation between events if it fits into your budget. If it doesn't, simply type up a weekend itinerary and directions to have at the front desk of the hotel to make getting around easier on them. Don't have a ceremony at 4pm with a three hour break before the reception. This is really aggravating to guests and frankly, just gives people an excuse to go to a bar to kill time. I don't have to tell you why that's a bad idea!

Perhaps the most important etiquette issues in my book is related to your wedding invitations. If you don't know how to properly address them, ask someone! If no one in your life knows, get advice from a wedding planner, a professional at a stationery store, or a calligrapher. If all else fails, consult The Wedding Blue Book by Crane, which has any answer you could possibly need when it comes to wedding etiquette queries. The worst foot to get off on is sending a guest (who is supposedly a very special person in your life if they are invited to your big day) an invitation that is improperly addressed or worse, that has their name spelled incorrectly. Proofread, proofread, proofread!!!

And so now a note to your guests from the ghost of Emily Post:

If you are a single person (or even if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend but they don't live with you), and you receive a wedding invitation that is addressed only to you, you are not invited to the wedding with a guest. Period. Furthermore, do not ask the bride if you can bring a guest with you.

There are many reasons why a bride might choose to not allow you to bring a guest: space in the venue, limited budget, or the desire to keep the wedding more intimate. Whatever the reason, it is her prerogative to do so and it is the absolute height of tackiness to call her up and ask if you can bring someone along. It puts your friend, the bride, in an awkward position and it's something she will always remember that you did. Do you want to be remembered for your bad manners? How about being remembered for that knock-out dress you wore to the wedding instead? Just please, for the love of the bride, make sure it's not white.